The Other
by messedupfruitsrotten
Summary: When Ryohei breaks things off with Gokudera, the quarter Italian escapes to his home country. Upon his return, he has problems trying to repair his damaged heart. 3359, 8059 DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

"What are you doing here?" Ryohei snapped after slamming the door shut behind him. The rain washed some of the blood from Gokudera's face turning it into a pink pool at his feet.

"I didn't know where else to go," Gokudera moaned, crying freely, thinking he could blame the water rushing down his cheeks on the rain. "Some guys jumped me once I stepped out the door. I ran here because after all that I pain I wanted to see your fa—"

"You can't be here!" He shouted.

Gokudera's eyes widened and he stepped back out of shock. He regretted doing that when a violent sting raced up his legs from the pressure.

"Ah!" He cried. "Please help me!"

Ryohei sighed and looked around.

"Let me get my coat. I'll take you to the hospital," Ryohei said before walking into his house as Gokudera sat on the small step outside the door. For the fleeting moments that the door was opened, the injured man could feel the warmth sweep out, grazing against his back, caressing his cheek for a second then the rain felt colder than ever. He could smell dinner cooking and hear the sounds of what a growing family was like.

"Who was it, honey?"

"A neighbor," Ryohei lied. It was his secret lover, but he sure as hell wasn't going to drop that bomb on his wife. "He's having car troubles and helped me out once, so I'm going to give him a ride him to the pharmacy."

"Oh, well, dinner should be ready by the time you get back. Drive safely."

"I will."

"We'll be waiting for you," Hana said, laying a hand on her rotund stomach.

Ryohei smiled. A kiss for their beyond infantile child.

A quick peck on the cheek for his wife. A conversation filled with affection in a home overflowing with it. Gokudera wished he hadn't heard any of it, yet was ecstatic that he had. Yes, he was drained empty from the throbbing that rocked his body with a relentless headache and craving for pain reliever. He was ridden with jealousy that he couldn't be the one in the loving household, kissing Ryohei goodbye, smiling at him without fear of being caught or the guilt of being the "other." But at the same time, he felt that overhearing this sweet dialogue made him a part of it. Just listening to the words wrapped him in a thin, temporary blanket of tenderness which just encouraged the tears to keep pouring the same way the overwhelmed clouds, plump and ripe with their own gray sadness let the rain fall. Fall hard.


	2. Chapter 2

The hum of the car was drowned out by the beats of rain making a gentle music outside. Gokudera would have preferred that Ryohei turned on the radio, to try and drown out nature's noise, but the man clearly wanted to talk. He just didn't quite know how to start. But when the married man figured out how, the surprise hit Gokudera like the man had just struck him with his fist. Hurt just as much too.

"We have to stop this," Ryohei said, eyes focusing on the watery road.

Gokudera felt like there was a clump in his throat, he tried to swallow it, but it was no good. He couldn't start crying again. Nothing to blame it on in the car.

"Wh-Why?" He choked out, attempting to sound unaffected and failing.

"What do you mean 'why?'" The retort came out as weird mixture. An angry laugh. "You know _why_."

"But why now?" Gokudera whined. Directly afterward, he wished that he could have taken the words back or at least said them without sounding like a little bitch. "Why not earlier?" He said more softly, sadder.

"What difference would it make?" Ryohei said.

"You should've did this before this point…."

"When? There was no time to—!" He stopped and collected himself. He didn't want to yell. A red light. He looked out the window as Gokudera stared at the face he had loved so much. He let one tear fall then wiped it away quickly.

"We fell so deep in love so fast," Ryohei admitted. "But I didn't… I couldn't accept that. I had to marry Hana. I had to start family. Be normal. I had to run from you," He turned to look at Gokudera, gently touching the other man's face. "But I couldn't. Nothing I did made me forget you. And at this point my love's too dangerous."

Gokudera's brow furrowed deeply to the point of pain, adding on to his current aches. He pulled away from Ryohei and gazed out the front window, wishing he could discern if rain was just fogging up the window, painting it into a blur or if he was really unable to keep more tears from building up before his filmy eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

They were parked outside. Gokudera had Band-aids on his cheek. Bandages wrapped around his lower right arm, upper left arm, left ankle, and right calf. The rest of his body was spotted with bruises. He thought he should hurry and go into the hospital. Not hold up his ex-lover returning to his adoring family. But he was scared. There was a connection there, like a string of yarn, it was becoming thin. Stepping out the car would snap it. He was scared of that. Frightened to the point of numbness.

"You really are amazing," Ryohei said. "I… I never would've had the balls to come out. But you…"

Gokudera said nothing. Just stared at the hospital looming next to them outside like hell waiting to snatch Gokudera away from everything's he's ever wanted.

"I love Hana," Ryohei confessed. "Not the way I love you. But I care about her and I can't risk letting her and everyone else down. That's all. If I hadn't been so stupid, things would've been different."

Why did Gokudera feel so bad? He kept trying to sort through his mistakes, but in the end everything turned out as Ryohei's fault. He asked him out. He wanted to keep things a secret. He married Hana. He wanted to continue the secret meetings regardless. He even promised that they could run away. Gokudera simply stayed dreaming. Was that so wrong? Ryohei was the one who had ruined it all, right? He convinced himself of this. Held as strongly onto that conviction as he could. Just long enough to step out the car.

"Yeah, if _you_ hadn't been so stupid."


	4. Chapter 4

He must've looked like an idiot. Or crazy. Or both.

There he sat on the park bench. Alone, crying. Immersed in sheets of pounding rain. Bandages hung from his body like skin he had just got done shedding off. He couldn't bring himself to walk into the hospital. To reveal he was the victim of a hate crime. To let the doctors see him sob over a broken heart. Something no surgery could fix. Not even one by a psychologist. He felt dumb, so he had no doubt that he must have appeared to be pretty dumb too.

During the car ride, Ryohei slipped him a credit card and told him to go, paying him to leave. Said that it'd be best for both of them to not be tempted to see each other. Put a want out of reach and the effort discourages sin. Gokudera didn't know what to do. In one way, it made sense. In another, he didn't want it to end like that. He wished that he didn't leave that way. It would have better if they shared one last kiss then said goodbye the way parting lovers do. The anger, the frustration, the cruelty that their empty separation was filled to the brim with was too sick to leave Gokudera feeling any better. He'd felt he'd vomit. He was amazed that he managed to stop the tears eventually. Felt relieved when a certain deadness fell over him. The kind one's overtaken with when the body's taken in so much pain that it forgets how to register it anymore.

He looked to the sky. The droplets sliding down his cheeks and the burning of his overused eyes didn't make it feel like he ever stopped crying. He transported his mind to the times when he Ryohei met a café far from Namimori. Hands entwining underneath the table. Whispers of fondness. Nothing felt cold. Nothing was sharp. Nothing stung. He remembered the hotel and the sheets hiding them from the world. Letting them forget they weren't in their own home, making love and that they could wake in the morning to eat breakfast together, go to work, and return to hear, "Welcome back!" No, leaving that room—leaving that building meant leaving a place where that fantasy existed. No "Welcome back."

Those thoughts. The memories of smiles and peaceful love made Gokudera look at the credit card Ryohei had given him. He decided he'd go, never forgetting what kind of greeting he'd receive upon his return.


	5. Chapter 5

The thing that he wanted to do most was talk to Ryohei. It'd been a year and a half since Gokudera left Namimori for Italy. He suspected that things had cooled down so he could pop back into Japan, say hello to his friends, do a little reminiscing, and then head back. A quick 'hi' to Ryohei included. He would be able to handle that, right?

Just a 'hi.'

Show Ryohei and family how well and happy he's been since moving. How much he relished being alone. Switching partners nearly every other day. Holding men and accidentally calling out Ryohei's name during. Yes. How fucking glad he's been.

"Hayato!" Tsuna called out, hugging Gokudera as they met in the airport. "It's been so long!"

"Too long!" Gokudera laughed despite the twist in his heart he felt just from knowing he was on the same piece of land as Ryohei. Knowing Ryohei was only a drive away.

"I can't wait to return to Italy with you!" Tsuna said while relieving Gokudera of his bags. "It must've been busy at headquarters over there."

"Not nearly as crazy as it gets here," Gokudera said as they strode outside and hopped into Tsuna's car. As soon as they were inside, Gokudera whipped out his cigarettes. Smoke spread throughout the small space causing Tsuna to cough and roll down a window.

"Everyone's been worried about you, you know," Tsuna said, starting up the car. "Yamamoto is really excited to have you stay with him. You guys really have some catching up to do."

"Hm," was Gokudera's simple reply. After Ryohei became his priority, other things died in his eyes a little. Tsuna and the Family always came first, but love made this a bit hazy. Because of this everything else fell out. Haru was just a girl after that. He could barely describe how she looked or her personality. Even his own subordinates faces were sometimes easily forgotten. So, Yamamoto, who he rarely worked with was merely a name to him. A Rain Guardian. A pawn to the Vongola. Gokudera shook his head at this thought. No, Yamamoto was more a knight. He questioned what that made himself. A bishop most likely. But he was a fallen bishop. Captured by a black rook after they fell into each other's path.


	6. Chapter 6

Gokudera sat on the man's couch, fully dressed in the clothes he arrived in. Hours had been spent that way, cigarette hanging from his lips and a coffee in his hand. Yamamoto sat beside him, awkward, quiet, occasionally asking questions.

"Well," Yamamoto said when he realized that not much of a conversation was going to stem up from his pestering. "I'll let you be."

Gokudera grunted a response before taking the last drag of his cigarette and last sip of his coffee. He then extinguished the cigarette in the empty cup.

"I'm going out," Gokudera announced, standing.

"I thought as much," Yamamoto murmured. "You didn't change, get comfortable or anything." He smiled brightly. "Where you going?"

"Dunno," Gokudera said making Yamamoto laugh. "Want to take me somewhere?"

Yamamoto thought for a second then also stood. "Yeah, I know a place."


	7. Chapter 7

That's why the drive had been so long, he thought. He looked at the café wondering if he should laugh or cry. He figured that either would creep out Yamamoto so he just walked in silently behind the tall man. He just couldn't believe it was the same one.

"I love it here," Yamamoto said once they had ordered and seated themselves. "Their sweets are really good, but it must seem kind of late for something like that."

Gokudera half wanted Yamamoto to grip onto his hand under the table. He half wanted to leave.

"But you look like you could use this sort of cheerful place," Yamamoto drunk a little bit of the tea he'd ordered. "Everything all right?"

All right? Ha.

"Yeah," Gokudera muttered, staring at the coffee on the table before him. When he came there with Ryohei, they shared a drink. He couldn't remember exactly what it was. Was it warm or cold? Sweet or bitter? Something to remind him of that time or something to force him to recall what was happening now?

"It doesn't seem like it!" Yamamoto said with a goofy grin. "Come on, cheer up! Please?"

Gokudera blinked, eyes not leaving Yamamoto's. Why was this man so bent on making him feel better? What was it to him? Granted, he made the Rain Guardian choose where they went, but that didn't set Gokudera's happiness in Yamamoto's palms.

"What about you?" Gokudera asked. "How're things here?"

"They're good. For some reason, boring since you've left."

Why though?

"I was never much fun."

"You were great. Didn't notice 'til you left. You sort of… shined."

How though?

"Did I?"

"Yeah, then you ran off to Italy's base and things went dull. Haha!"

Weird. Gokudera never forgot Yamamoto Takeshi's face from then on.


	8. Chapter 8

"You know, I think I did see that somewhere," Gokudera said during the car ride back.

"I thought it was an interesting fact," Yamamoto said.

"But it's not a proven theory,"

"Is that that what it is? We should look at the article."

"Oh, I was thinking, what do we do for breakfast?"

"I'll make it. I'm pretty handy in the kitchen."

"Really that's somewhat unexpected."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

The two snickered a bit at this. Red light. A droplet. A soft, quiet gasp.

"Rain? This time of year?"

More. Like a curtain of water opening from the gathering clouds that managed to be thin enough for moonlight to glow through. Yamamoto glanced at Gokudera to see the man smiling at this radiance. But in the Japanese man's eyes, Gokudera had been releasing his own. Green light. Go. _Go_.

Once they parked, it was a dash to the front door. Fumble of slippery wet keys. Stumble inside from muddy shoes. Strip the shoes off. The jackets. Gokudera complained of his cold shirt.

"Change," Yamamoto suggested, heading to his room to do just that.

The silver-haired man did so as well then they met again, in fresh clothing, in the living room where they watched old television, laughing and reminiscing until they fell asleep. Gokudera's head on Yamamoto's shoulder. And an unknowing Gokudera with Yamamoto's heart in his hands.


	9. Chapter 9

"You head back next week, don't you?" Yamamoto asked after a week into Gokudera's stay.

The other man nodded in reply. He hadn't gone to the main base since being in Namimori. Too much fear that he'd see _him_ while unprepared. He'd do it today. He had that resolve. Today was as good a day as any other.

"I'll be going out today," Gokudera said.

"Again?" Yamamoto asked. "Where have you been going this whole time?"

Places where they used to be together. Just _be_. Looking at one another, exchanging subtle touches. He'd lie where they used to, sit there, stand there, be there again. In those moments that he savored so strongly that he could pretend he were in it again – perfectly fool himself into reliving old bliss.

"Just around," Gokudera said, sliding on his shoes. "Seeing our former classmates and stuff."

"Oh, I was hoping today we could watch the movie we rented," Yamamoto waved the movie case from where he sat. They had been all over town yesterday. Tried more desserts than Gokudera's ever had. Stopped by every store. Pointed out every funny moment that could be mistakenly seen like the plump woman picking at her panties when she thought no one was looking and the little boy who scraped his booger onto a fountain, giving them flashbacks of young Lambo.

"We will tomorrow," Gokudera said. "For sure."

"All right then," Yamamoto said with that goofy grin returning. "Tomorrow."

This lit up Gokudera's heart, but it was too crowded with thoughts of _him_ to notice. With questions of what to say at their reunion. What to do. Shake hands or hug? Shaking hands would be too formal. To see their relationship reduced to that would rip Gokudera in two. But a hug. A hug would make him hope, wish, ponder of a reigniting passion, a relit flame. No, the flicker of infatuation that Yamamoto had set off would have to go ignored. Gokudera was about to go see _him_ again.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hi," he said, hand giving a small wave. He stood there. Trying to smile. Trying to remember what normal meant.

Ryohei could only stare. The form before him felt like a ghost. A ghost of a past love he'd given up on. The ghost of past smiles and warmth glowed before him almost readily. Ready for what? Forgiveness? No. no, Ryohei didn't deserve that.

If Gokudera had known that he was letting Ryohei think forgiveness was an option, he would've changed his expression.

"Hey," Ryohei replied.

"May I come in?"

"That doesn't sound like a good idea," The response was quick and swift like a merciful kill, but it hurt much more than one should.

"Oh," Gokudera muttered awkwardly. "Well, can we talk?"

"About what?" Ryohei asked defensively. Gokudera caught on to this. Why was Ryohei defensive? The silver-haired man didn't care, it meant he had the power in this conversation. The upper hand.

"Things," he said simply. "But I want to talk inside."

"…Fine," Ryohei muttered. Opening the door wide. The door to his home. The door containing doors. Doors to rooms, privacy, the very innards and organs of a family. A family not consisting of guns and bosses, but of sincere and obligated affection. The warmth that had only grazed Gokudera before, he stepped into.


	11. Chapter 11

They sat on the couch. Far from each other. Far from temptation. On opposite ends they stared into each other's eyes, enough to pull them as together as they needed to be. As they used to be.

Ryohei broke away from this gaze.

"So, I heard you're staying with Takeshi-kun," Ryohei said.

"Yeah," was Gokudera's flimsy reply. A pause. Longer than their old conversations had. They both remember those beats in their conversations. Silence filled with hand holding, the quickest kiss, hopes for a bright future where this feeling lasts forever.

"Where's Hana and the baby?" Gokudera asks before he remembers too much. Before he begs for it all back.

Hana and the baby. Concrete things – no – people to shove their dead love in their faces. To tell them to stop, block their hearts from falling back into each other's paths in this twisted game of romantic chess.

"We…" Ryohei questioned whether or not he should tell Gokudera. Something forced him to say it. Some sick desire that the reaction would be pleading or skin to skin or something of what once was. "We got into an argument. She took the baby and is staying with her mother."

Ryohei's wish was granted.


	12. Chapter 12

Their hands sat on Ryohei's lap, entangled like they had been tossed back into the years before. Pupil looked into pupil, searching shortly for the flame they attempted to extinguish. Did they forget? No, or at least it felt like they hadn't. It felt as though nothing had ever went wrong. Forgiveness was impossible, Gokudera told himself before knocking on Ryohei's door. Forgetting is what they both prayed for.

"I love you," Ryohei murmured.

"I love you too," Gokudera replied, crawling closer to the other man. Weren't they teenagers? Hadn't it always been just the two of them in that house, greeting each other with pecks on the lips and leaping into each other's arms?

"I've needed you so badly lately," Ryohei whimpered pathetically.

Gokudera's unoccupied cupped Ryohei's rough face. "I've been here," Gokudera said, slightly frantically. "I love you too much to leave," he wrapped his arms around Ryohei.

"I've missed you too much," Ryohei admitted. "My heart ached, I couldn't sleep, I didn't know it would affect me so much. I didn't know eating would be hard and smiling would stop. I didn't know."

Gokudera pat the back of the man's head. "It's okay," he whispered. "You thought you were making everything better, but it's okay now.

I'll make things better."


	13. This fic is dead but

This fic is dead, but you can still enjoy and review. I might just revive it one day :P


End file.
